Love, right?

So, i had a conversation with someone who i think is really awesome about someone else who i think is really awesome and the conversation had to do with the two of them, love, goals, forgiveness, and sacrifice. i wrote this after the conversation, it was a five minute after thought. which i thought was interesting, given that my love life is and has always been tumultuous at best. i don't know what to think or do for myself in that arena. but i think i actually had good advice. so, i'm just gonna tweak it a little to protect identities, and share this note because i dunno. maybe you'll like it.

yay, perspective.

it's about love and money/prestige, i guess.
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of all the things a man can accomplish, it seems like the hardest thing to do these days is maintain an optimistic, functioning, enjoyable relationship. and with any endeavor, be it personal or otherwise, there will be ups and downs. who's gonna buy an icecream cone in august and not forsee some drips and napkins in the future? so, maybe these callings to challenges just aren't in the order your mindset deemed most important. when the phone rings, answer it. it might be important (remember the days without caller ID, kids? yeah. no internet either.) perhaps, the biggest chance at success right now is to focus on what does work. two people merging together to form a team. even if that means setting back a career goal for a couple months. because, careers come and go, but when times are tough, wouldn't you want it to be with someone by your side, supporting you emotionally while you pick up the pieces? you can't get an employer to commit to you, you commit to them, and that's not a fool proof plan. but two people coming together and saying "hey buddy. you know something? i want you in my life. hell, there are things about you i've been looking for, and you got em and i need you. so. fuck the bullshit. let's do this. make it happen cap'n. fitty-fitty" is a hell of a lot more promising for the future in regards of happiness and fulfillment. and that's an accomplishment that not too many people in this fickle, disgusting culture can say they've attained.

 

 it never stops being about love and forgiveness. it never stops being about good times and bad. and people get better. and people get worse. it never stops being about growing together. not overlooking, but accepting. not placing blame, but being aware of roles, saying "yes, i did that. i took part in that. but now that i'm aware of it, it never has to be that way again." and sticking to it. and messing up. and forgiveness again. no one hits rock bottom when they are actively engaged in love.


it's when when we doubt it, do we start to falter. the thing about love is...you feel it. that's the only way you know it's there. and the more two people trust that, the more they feel it. weddings, rings, gifts, matching couple outfits...those things are supposed to be symbolic, but like words, they are just freeze dried concepts. unbendable, if you try it crumbles. but love bends. you can fit it in or around anything, if you wanted to. and no, there is no bank account to account for love's worth. but there is trust in its presence. love is helium for the soul. it keeps us afloat among the trodden many. and those trodden many are often concerned with work and where they are in the race. let a little love be your life's motivation, and you'd see why the tortise won.

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and i wrote that, knowing it was all true, and still knowing that i remain clueless. and not just about love, no, no.  i think maybe i'm not brave enough to make a down payment on an emotional investment. that and i just need a calling. dammit, i need a calling! i'm a listening but all i pick up on is

 those darn hills a'callin'.